1. Acceptance of Terms
By visiting this website, you agree to these terms. By reading this sentence, you have already visited this website, so it's too late. You agreed. We saw it happen. There were witnesses (there were no witnesses).
2. Description of Service
Oops, All Microphones is a podcast. It is audio that comes out of your speakers or headphones. We make sounds with our mouths and then put those sounds on the internet. That's the service. The website you're looking at right now is a series of HTML files that tell you about those sounds. You are reading about sounds. Think about that for a second.
3. User Obligations
You agree to listen to the podcast with your ears. If you are listening with any other body part, we cannot guarantee the experience. You agree not to hold us responsible for opinions formed while listening. You agree that if you fall asleep during an episode, that's on you, and we will choose to interpret it as a compliment.
4. Intellectual Property
All content on this site, including the podcast episodes, the episode descriptions, the floating emoji, and the deeply unnecessary star field animation, is the intellectual property of Oops, All Microphones. We use the word "intellectual" loosely.
You may not reproduce, distribute, or transmit our content without permission, unless you are telling a friend about it, in which case please do that immediately and as often as possible.
5. Disclaimers
This podcast is provided "as is" and "as available," which is legal language meaning "this is what you get and we're doing our best." We make no warranties, express or implied, that the podcast will be good, interesting, educational, entertaining, or even audible at all times. Sometimes microphones do weird things. That's why there are so many of them. It's right there in the name.
Nothing in this podcast constitutes professional advice. If you make a major life decision based on something you heard on Oops, All Microphones, that is a bold move and we admire your commitment but accept no responsibility for the outcome.
6. Limitation of Liability
Under no circumstances shall Oops, All Microphones be liable for any damages arising from your use of this website or podcast, including but not limited to: direct damages, indirect damages, incidental damages, consequential damages, inconsequential damages, slightly annoying damages, damages you caused yourself and are trying to blame on us, or emotional damages resulting from a particularly good episode ending too soon.
Our total liability to you for all claims shall not exceed the amount you paid us, which is zero dollars. So that's the ceiling. Zero dollars. We could also offer you a high five but that would need to be negotiated separately.
7. Termination
We reserve the right to terminate your access to this website at any time, for any reason. In practice, we have no way to do this. It's a static website. You can just come back. We'd have to take the whole site down, and that would punish everyone, which feels dramatic. So really this clause is aspirational.
8. Governing Law
These terms shall be governed by the laws of wherever you happen to be sitting right now. If you are sitting in international waters, these terms are governed by maritime law, and we are required to inform you that our podcast is not a seaworthy vessel.
9. Severability
If any provision of these terms is found to be unenforceable, the remaining provisions will continue in full force and effect. Honestly, most of these provisions are probably unenforceable. We're not lawyers. We're podcasters. We have microphones. That's it. That's all we have.
10. Entire Agreement
These terms constitute the entire agreement between you and Oops, All Microphones. There are no side agreements, verbal understandings, secret handshakes, or blood pacts. If someone claiming to represent Oops, All Microphones approaches you with a blood pact, that person does not represent us and you should leave the area calmly.
11. Contact
For questions about these terms, please refer to Section 8 of our Privacy Policy, which suggests yelling into the void. We stand by that recommendation.